LordLast month before go live and our job scheduling team tells us that they cannot put up 1000 jobs in 3 weeks. It's my fault for assuming they could do it. I should've sent out a timeline in Oct, but of course I was busy with so many other billion things. Not shirking responsibility. I don't mind taking the blame. Nobody else would've thought of it if I did not.
I could say I couldn't have known that the schedulers need so much time to schedule jobs, but it's my fault for assuming that they could. I'm not sorry cuz I'll be taking heat from the higher-ups but I'm sorry to see all our hardwork and reputation flushed down the drain.
What a way to fall.
I can't sleep and it's almost 2. I think my manager's ass is on fire right now, getting fired at from his manager. I'm mentally preparing myself to be chewed out by many many parties tomorrow..... And still need to remain intact so I could march on to the cutover.
O God this is so crazy. I've committed this project and my sanity into your hands. Please do what You will with it. I wouldn't have stayed on if not for this cursed guilt you have instilled in me. I would've just thrown up my hands and frustration if you have not trained me in patience and determination in all these years working alongside with you. You have never failed me. You have never deserted me and turned away from your promises. You have taught me to find joy in hardwork and the deeper satisfaction of waititng to receive my reward in full.
Christ, You strenghteneth me. Through you I can do all things. I have nothing of my own to boast of, as all comes from You.
You know how hard we worked. You know the pressure and went through and the sacrifices we made. I ask you God to remember this and not have all the heart we've shown be brushed away so simply.
I can say that I still trust in You.
I really need to sleep to disperse off all this adrenalin.
Lord, grant me rest.
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