S.E.L.F.I.S.H.

I'm so selfish. I can't wait to have my life back on track again. I look at my baby now and she's already trying to crawl when she's on her tummy. I can't help but wish she can quickly learn how to walk and talk and sail right pass toddlerhood and straight into pre-schoolerhood, and is old enough to be interested in her own things while I get back into my comfy old routine of gaming, drawing and reading.

I can't believe that Abby's 5.5 months already, and I also can't believe that I still feel so out-of-sorts like I'm walking on coals everyday. For the past weeks, I still couldn't get used to this demanding routine.... Can't sleep when I am bone-tired.. Can't work when my emails are piling up.. Can't even pee & poo in peace...

Frankly speaking, we don't fancy the parenting experience so much as to have a 2nd or 3rd baby. I'm sighing loudly right now because a lot of people are trying to conceive and I'm complaining about me not wanting anymore babies. Urgh, but I just need to say it out loud! It's really eating me up!

I know I know. I'm so selfish. Some one can give me a right hard smack.

I want the best for my baby. I want her to have siblings to play with. I want her to be able to find comfort and share her burdens with her siblings later in life when we've passed on. I also don't mind having lots of kids (grown up!) keeping me company and having merry Tan family gatherings every year at new year.

I suspect this is a common gripe among new parents. I just didin't expect this to be like this @ 6 months.