PMR and other whatnots

My brother, 15 years old, got his PMR exams results yesterday. I'm really relieved he got 6As and 1B for History. Memorising dates is not his strength. I'm not worried about that though because his results are still great. Everyone was kind of worried that he'll get C for his Maths and Bs for his languages. Not because that he's dumb or anything, but because he's a careless headless chicken at times, especially when the exam questions are easy and he completes them before time and gets over-confident. I believe he lost more marks in careless mistakes more than anything else. But yes, awesomeness of the awesomnest! The kid is waiting for his reward now. I bet mom's conveniently "forgotten" the cellphone she promised him before his exams, just to get him to study harder last time. Ha!

I remember when I took the PMR at 15 (oh so many years ago)...we had 7 subjects in total. Everybody studied their butts off. But of course we were in an all-girls' school and there was a lack of distraction in those days (namely boys). I was in one of the top classes, and all the girls were competitive to boot. The exam itself was not hard, but the trial was. I remember getting only 3 or 4 As for the trial and I felt like it was the end of the world. Good thing though, for the incident changed me into this stubborn arse of a schoolgirl who refused to accept the fact that I *COULD* be anything resembling stupid.

So I got my act together and emerged with 7 brilliant As in the end. I remembered how the teachers called out the names of those with 7As and I was so itchingly full of myself that I just know that my name will called. And it was. I went home that day, so delirious with the secret smugness and knowledge that I could achieve anything at all as long as I put my mind into it.

So Mom came home from work that day, and she didin't even know that my results were out. I was like "Mom, my PMR results are out. I got 7As." And she went, "Oh? That's good." Then she came in, changed for dinner, and berated me for my lousy dinner dishes as usual.

...man, total anti-climatic if you know what I mean. Up til this day I still could not believe she did not even crack half a smile over the news. I didin't know she cared until the next few days when my relatives called up to congratulate me. Mom & Dad had proudly broadcasted the news of my PMR results to everyone....Sometimes I think we Asians are totally retarded when it comes to expressing positive emotions. But I'm saying this in an affectionate sorta way. Having parents like this makes their kids really sensitive to any signs of affection. Which could be bad....or good. :
So at the tender age of 15, I sorta developed this HUGE ego and self-confidence. I never believed there's anything in school or college difficult enough to stop me from excelling. Among classmates and peers, I have this laidback attitude when it comes to revising for oncoming exams. It was never necessary for me to start my studies too early, and despite that, I still managed to get As. In those days, an A means a score of 80-100%. My friends will fight and claw for a score as close to 100 as possible. Me, I am all smiles as long as I'm within the A range. That's probably why I don't bother to try too hard. My classmates would go over their books again and again and yet again, but I stop when I'm done. Terror lerrrr...and I got my ego continually stroked through my first year in college. Nobody was worth competing with. My head must've swelled to gargantuan proportions then. A miracle I managed to secure friends then. Harrrr harrrr.

Then I moved to a private college in Kuala Lumpur. Big city with big cars and abrasive people. It was culture shock. Everyone's like me, full of themselves and over-confident to boot. Between boasters and people that really know their stuff, you can't really tell which is which. I grew really passive and quiet and sat at the back of the class, for fear that I will say something that will reveal my ignorance, for fear that I will not fit in because I do not understand their tech jargon. I virtually had no friends in the first semester. It was horrible. Everything I believed about myself crumbled. I could not understand the assignments given, could not handle simple instructions (uncertainty due to lack of confidence), have questions but too scared to ask. Everyone was better than me. They argue with the lecturers, they talk about strange wondrous new IT terms that meant nothing to me. I was stuck in Hell.

My first semester test dealt my ego the final blow....I guess I had no choice but to accept that I was deluding myself all that while. A Chinese saying "There are always mountains higher than this mountain". I accepted the fact that there will be always people smarter than me, richer, prettier, luckier. I think this is one step I made towards maturity, and I dropped the defensive attitude. I started to make friends and loosen up. Things got better, really better, and in the end, I graduated with my IT degree, with good grades that I can be really proud of, even now.

Hardships teaches you, really. That's probably why I get antsy when I'm too comfy or happy with something. I hope I'm not getting masochistic XD